Better is just, well, better…right? But what about the times when it isn’t? Starting Feb 20 we’ll go there together through gatherings, podcasts & groups.
February 20 - Better Than Better Self Self-improvement is bigger than ever. The pandemic has given people permission to live in pajamas, and the time to focus on being better, stronger, healthier. What’s bad about that? Except… all the comparison. Better than what and who? And is that really how life is supposed to work? Should you, can you be better and better everyday? Or is there something better than better? Folks, this is a real problem. We need to talk!
B is doing great but worries that BTB is depressed.
We need to talk about this word, better. It can get us in trouble quickly if we don’t pay attention.
Where do you see that message that there must be something wrong if everything isn’t getting better and better all the time?
Who doesn’t want better? In fact - it feels pretty urgent that some things get better. What are some examples you think of?
How fast can you list 5 ways you’d like to be better?
Definitions
Better: Movement in some desired direction.
Not-so-great kind of better: Constant progress toward a prescribed norm or ideal.
Better than Better: Growth
Better than Better Self: being at peace with who you are. Right now. Where there is nothing to prove and growth can happen.
David Roche - The Church of 80% Sincerity (4 min)
“I’ve learned to be friends with myself, growing into and through my perceived flaws.”
What gets in the way of growing?
“Comparison says, ‘Be like everyone else, but better.’” Brene Brown in Atlas of the Heart
This strange story about a man wrestling helps us see and hold a paradox of Better than Better: that we win by losing.
Comparison is human and unavoidable. Don’t beat yourself up. It’s what we do with it that we can make choices about.
When you find yourself comparing, these can help you shift toward connection and Better than Better:
Thank yourself for noticing
Look for better than better questions
Nuance your language. Admiration. Reverence. Envy. Jealousy. Resentment. Schadenfreude. Freudenfreude. (Look them up!) These are all human places we go when comparing. Do any of these words help you understand something new about the situation and your reaction?
If you want to know what's likely to trigger comparison and shame for you, just fill in this sentence stem: It's really important for me not to be perceived as ______________.
Michael Kleber-Diggs reads "Sadie"
Get Michael’s book, “Worldly Things.”
Homework: this week, when you find yourself rehearsing your list of all the ways you are or could be better - practice shifting to a better than better question. Don’t worry about any answers, just try noticing and shifting the question. Here’s one idea: How does growth look right now?
It is human scale connections that will help us navigate.