Welcome to this conversation
No Strangers - Episode 5: Opting in to Anger, Protect What You Love. What makes you seethe? Pay attention! We might be in the habit of suppressing it until it explodes inside us or onto others - causing harm either way. But our anger has power to honor our humanity and create something new and better than we could have imagined. How can we express our raw anger without hurting ourselves or others so it can be harnessed for good?
Episode 5: Opting in to Anger, Protect What You Love
Is anger the opposite of love to you? Or is it possible that anger truly understood is sometimes the motivation love needs to be acted out in the world?
RECAP: Revolutionary love isn’t the sentimental love we fall into or out of, it is the sweet labor we choose over and over again.
Wonder is the wellspring of love.
Grief is the price of love.
TODAY: Anger protects what we love.
Anger is usually seen to be negative and we are socialized to suppress it. But it isn’t always negative. The key question is this:
What drives your anger? Your desire to protect what you love? Or your desire to destroy what you have?
To put it more simply: Is your anger a servant of love, or of hate?
Something to Consider: In Rev Dr Martin Luther King, Jr’s speeches you can hear his anger behind the words that spoke of his vision and hope for what he loves. Many white-bodied people sensed their privilege to be threatened by his speaking and sought to destroy him. It can be hard to appreciate the positively channeled anger of someone whose anger you don’t share. How does that affect your experience of the anger of people around you?
“Divine Rage” - Valerie Kaur
This is anger that Valerie points out from her the Warrior Sage tradition of her own Sikh faith and embedded within the Judaeo-Christian tradition as well. She describes it as rage not determined to seek vengeance, but to re-order the world.
3 portions of the Bible, among many, that speak to the idea of Divine Rage:
That’s it. Enough! I will not let this pass by unnoticed. Be Silent!
Hear this, you who trample the needy and bring ruin to the poor of our land saying,
“When will the markets open again so that we can make more money?
When will the weekend be over so we can sell more skewing the deals in our favor,
Skimping on what they get for their money?
Ha! We buy the poor with pocket change. We trade the needy for a pair of sneakers.
We even make them pay for the leftovers that are of no use to us.”
I swear, by everything good that our people have stood for, that I will never forget what you are doing. Your world shall not be left unshaken. Amos 8.2-8
Jesus entered the synagogue, and a man was there who had a withered hand. They watched him to see whether he would cure him on the sabbath, so that they might accuse him. And he said to the man who had the withered hand, "Come forward." Then he said to them, "Is it lawful to do good or to do harm on the sabbath, to save life or to kill?" But they were silent. He looked around at them with anger; he was grieved at their hardness of heart and said to the man, "Stretch out your hand." He stretched it out, and his hand was restored. The Pharisees went out and immediately conspired with the Herodians against him, how to destroy him. Mark 3.1-6
So then, putting away falsehood, let all of us speak the truth to our neighbors, for we are members of one another. Be angry but do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not make room for the devil. Ephesians 4.25-27
Be angry...but...DON’T SUPPRESS IT.
Suppressed anger can build up and EXplode all over others, even those you don’t intend.
Suppressed anger can build up and IMplode all over your inner self, filling you with shame for anger you think you shouldn’t have, or a sense of worthlessness for your inaction over the wrongs that triggered your anger.
Be angry...but...DON’T UNLEASH IT.
Unleashed angry attacks what it hates, it doesn’t defend what it loves. And when it does it becomes what it hates and destroys the world it wants.
Be angry...but...LISTEN TO IT!
Your anger is telling you something about what you love. Don’t let it drive you, let it inform you.
That requires SELF-CONTROL. (Note: This self-control is not the same as suppression, it direction, helping you channel your anger, not stuff it.) Self-control requires practice, support, accountability, and learning with and from others.
Something to Consider: We are often socialized to deal with anger according to gender stereotypes. Girls to suppress it, with boys some violent expression is expected. Both are unhelpful approaches to handling anger. What was your experience? How do you “reward or punish” expressions of anger in those around you?
When we don’t have the social power to protect who and what we love it is a special challenge to know what to do with our anger.
Listen to Kali Pleigo’s story - The organization Kali channels her anger through is American Families United. LINK Learn more and consider supporting Kali’s work through them.
Deal with the energy of your anger that would keep you from constructively channeling it by creating a SAFE CONTAINER to release it in.
Something to Consider: What is your safe container? How do you release the excess energy of your anger?
Question from the podcast:
“Anger is not the same as love, but it is not the opposite of it either. It is part of what makes love revolutionary. How can you not feel some anger at the injustice, cruelty, oppression so many people suffer in our world today? And if you do and are not finding a way to act on your anger, my question is ‘What are you doing with it?’ The reason you feel it is that people whom you are part of need your anger motivated love to be at work to bring justice, to end cruelty and oppression. And you can’t hold that inside you without it destroying you either. The emotional and moral costs are too great. You won’t defeat all the forces of evil in the world, and you won’t even show up everywhere you ought to, but your voice can be heard and you can do something.”
I am only one person, but I am one person.
I can’t do everything, but I can do something.
And I won’t let what I can’t do keep me from doing what I can do.
Practice for this week:
Be angry! Recognize anger when it kindles within you.
Turn your gaze from what you are angry at, to what you love so much that anger would rise up in you to protect it.
With that in mind look back at what angers you. Say to them, “Uncle, auntie, sister, brother, friend, neighbor, you are part of me I do not yet know.”
Then put your anger to work, channel it to right what is wrong. To protect your beloved AND the humanity of your opponent.
There is always work to be done. Some of it can stop and some of it still needs to happen. But you don’t always have to be the one carrying the pack of the work! This week, take stock