DFtA - Episode 4

Welcome to this conversation

Don’t Feed the Animals, Episode 4: Comparison Buying a toaster? Great, check features and prices and get the best one for your money. Building a life? Look out! Comparison will tear it down. Like all the animals, comparison has a purpose, but feed it and let it loose and it will eat you for lunch with constant questions like Am I better or worse? Do I have as much? Achieved as much? Life is not about comparison. It’s about…well, do you know the alternative? Let’s talk.

The animal we are dealing with in this episode is Comparison.

How is comparison helpful to you in our life? Both in terms of the things, options and opportunities around you, and with the people around you?

How is comparison hurtful to you in terms of the same things? 

When comparison gets fed and too powerful in your life, when it controls you rather than serving you, it destroys your sense of self, your self-esteem, worthiness, value and ability. 

Comparison, unleashed, misses…

• The different ARCS of people’s lives. We are all at different points of our lives, and growth doesn’t happen the same way for everyone.

• The different GIFTS of people’s lives. We are all different and cooperation and appreciation, not comparison, are better at seeing the value we bring to any situation.

• The difference between SOCIETAL NORMS and HUMAN VALUES. What matters in your life isn’t the trends you see coming and going, but deeper issues that your sense of meaning, self and satisfaction perceive.

• The difference between the REAL and the IDEAL. People and social media present a carefully curated version of their life to others, that’s the ideal. But we know the real about ourselves. It is never as glamorous and shouldn’t be compared.

The truth - There is always someone better than you and someone not as good at your. You can use that to make yourself feel miserable by looking at the people ahead of you, or to feel superior by looking at the people behind you. But that isn’t telling you anything essential about yourself.

Two Questions:

1. If not comparison to others, what tells you how you are doing? what your goals are? what is worth pursuing? And what lets you know that you are moving in the right direction?

2. If you find that Comparison is beating you up or making you prop yourself up by cutting others down, then ask yourself, “How old are those messages? When did you first start hearing them? Chances are they began before you were old enough to choose or not choose them and the animal of Comparison was big and powerful within you before you knew to do anything about it.

Jesus letting us know that we don’t have to prove ourselves.

“Look at the birds of the air, they don’t plant or harvest, yet they are cared for. Are you not much more valuable than they? And the flowers of the field. They make no effort, yet what could be more beautiful? If that is how God values plants that are likely never to be seen, just think how God values you.” Matthew 6.26-30

How can you keep this Animal of Comparison from roaming beyond its territory and into your heart? Some things to try.

• Listen for negative self-messages. Note them, pause, tell yourself, “I’m doing it to myself again.” Then drop it. Breathe and move on.

• After a while of practicing that, formulate a response to those self-critical thoughts. Like, “That’s not fair! I’m more than that!” Find statements that speak to the specific ways you cut yourself, or others down.

• Use your bus. Spend time with your Encouragers, your Mentors, your Stretchers to see yourself more positively, realistically and recognize your potential.

• If someone outside you is feeding the animal inside you, then insulate yourself from them. Avoid, counteract with companions and rehearsed mental/emotional responses. And remember - they are trying to tear you down to build themselves up because someone did it to them. The animal is alive in them as well. Are there ways you can help free them from it?

Finally, beloved, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable, if there is any excellence and if there is anything worthy of praise, dwell on such things…and the God of peace will be with you.        Philippians 4.8,9b

It matters what you let in your heart. Don’t feed the animals.

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