Welcome to this conversation

Better than Compromise - Episode 4: The Journey to Better Than Compromise You have to start this journey yourself. Don’t worry, others will join you. Lots of them. But if you wait for others to start you may never go. That may seem unfair or too risky but Better Than Compromise is worth the risk. All you really need is something you already have but may not know how to use. A simple gift that breathes life, dignity, possibility and hope into a broken world. Let’s practice.

The Journey to Better than Compromise

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Miss the beginning of Better Than Compromise? Catch up and check the week 1 Episode page HERE. 

“The exasperation you may be experiencing from trying to make headway on issues near and dear to you may be wearing you down or hardening your resolve. I don’t know. But what it is unlikely is that it is driving you to reach out to connect with, understand and respect those you disagree with. That is the dream though, right? We are the ‘United’ States of America, not the ‘Many’ States of America, after all.”    If that describes you and you hope for more, welcome to the Journey to Better Than Compromise. 

3 Commitments about Better Than Compromise AND a 4th for this week. What do you think?

  • It is always possible, but it doesn’t always happen.

  • It can’t happen without the 3rd Strand.

  • Requires deep seated humility.

  • The power of humility, and the sacrifice it willingly makes) is greatly underestimated.

Jesus may have been the greatest revolutionary that ever lived, yet he said this about how to deal with our opponents.

You have heard that it was said, ‘An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth. But I say to you, Do not resist an evildoer. But if anyone strikes you on the right cheek, turn the other also; and if anyone wants to sue you and take your coat, give your cloak as well; and if anyone forces you to go one mile, go also the second mile.’   Jesus, Matthew 5.38-41

Jesus doesn’t want you to be a winner, he wants you to be a gamechanger.

Something to try: 

Trust is essential for Better Than Compromise, and trust is earned, not given. Who could you use more trust with? Make a plan for creating it. 

  • Imagine what you would need to see from them for you to trust them more.

  • Imagine how you could show those same words, actions, gestures toward them.

  • Start doing them, deliberately. Initiate opportunities to do it, if necessary. Focus on not being impatient about how well your efforts are received or acknowledged.

LISTENING - Hint: this needs to be a big part of your plan for building trust!

Similarly to the Continuum of Acceptance from last week, there is a Continuum of Listening.

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Our bias towards another person, stress level, amount of agreement and self-preoccupation, among other factors, move us towards one end of this continuum or the other. Most people spend little time in Empathetic Listening unless they deliberately practice it. Pause when you are with others to see what form of listening you are practicing. And remember, there are more than words to listen to. Intonation and body language all convey messages. Much is said during silence!

Unilateral Love for Others - Something to consider

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This is one of the most revolutionary ideas we have among us. Greg Meyer shared his experience with Georges Rouault’s painting “The just man, like sandalwood, perfumes the blade that cuts him down.” and followed it by saying this:

“That’s crazy thinking. Perfuming the blade that cuts you down is nothing. It changes nothing. Like a drop of water on a forest fire, a handful of sand thrown at a tidal wave, a man saying ‘I can’t breathe’ to a policeman with a knee on his neck, or ‘Father forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing’ when you are hanging on a cross. It’s nothing – or maybe it is part of something too big for your or my eyes to see.”

What do you think?

“It isn’t that it is wrong to simply stop injustice. The truth is that it just isn’t enough to simply stop injustice. We need to heal the hurt behind injustice.”

Some considerations while you not only try to stop the wrong, but heal the wound.

  • Be smart.

  • Be safe.

  • Be a team.

  • Believe.

The dream of Better Than Compromise asks you to be willing to give up some very precious things.

  • Your right to be right.

  • Your immunity from being changed.

  • Your guarantee that the win you get will be the win that you had in mind when you started.

  • Your certainty that you will not be taken advantage of.

In your willingness to give these things up, what do you think you might gain?

Talk more about this with a group

Click HERE for a discussion guide.